A man and a woman

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need
you to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes
from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a bathroom scale.
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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a
torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I
pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped
back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a
different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out
there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my
stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
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